What’s a Mom to do

I’ve always let tantrum run their course. Talking Lucy through it. Doing my best to decode the high pitched rambling. I breathe deeply. Stay calm. Occasionally look at Justin, begging him to put me out of my misery. Legs fly as she flails on the ground. Mila starts yelling just to fit in. Eventually Lucy calms down. There’s a hug. And its over. 
 BUT that’s when we lived by busy roads in giant noisy buildings where her cries were muffled by our neighbors band practice or other domestic disputes. Now we are on a quiet street where our windows are open feet away from our neighbors also open windows. I can hear birds chirping, the occasional lawn mower revving, front doors creaking…..
 When it happens….. “BUT BUT BUT MOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!! AFTER LUNCH IS SO FAR AWAY!!!! I DONT WANT TO GO TO THE STORE AFTER LUNCH BU BU BUTTT BU BUT BUTTT! MOOOOM!!!!! NOOOOOOOO!!!!! I WANT TO GO TO THE STORE NOWW!!!” 
 I totally panic internally like oh my god this has to stop instantly, its 9am. She is going to wake up the neighbors. And the more you try to rush a tantrum the worse its gets. And I cant possibly just ‘give in’  and say ok we can go to the store right this second. 

WHAT’S A (gentle parenting not gonna spank my child or drag her by her hair to time out) MOM TO DO???

HELP!!!!

13 thoughts on “What’s a Mom to do

  1. It’s 9 am. The neighbors will suffer through it, unless you’re an evil lady (like our neighbor who yells at babies) If it was 4am it would be different. As a kid my mom let me have a “scream it out spot” maybe a closet in the center of the house? She would rush rush rush me to the back of the hall like a game and I would scream.at the top of my lungs until I laughed. Or if I was getting to that “to much energy” point she would have me run laps outside. You have a yard now! Good luck!

  2. Honestly sometimes you just have to let them run their course. BUT there are ways to avoid them all together. A lot of times there are cues or signals that happen before said tantrum starts an if spotted in time can stop a tantrum. Just try to keep an eye out then redirect or offer something to do.
    Also a lot of special needs practices work well the typical kids too. Kids tend to be Very visual so explaining time in a visual way can help a ton. I suggest a closed ended clock. Basically the clock will have a section that’s colored based on how long you need it to be and as time passes the color goes away. It’s a good tool to help kids understand the passing of time. Also there are apps that can help explain your day with pictures so kids can have a visual of their day and they can keep referencing back to it.
    Its tough, I know. But kids have a hard time waiting so if you have something planned for late afternoon, keep the morning as busy as she will tolerate. Plan out different activities and hopefully the tantrums will slow or stop.

  3. Honestly, your neighbors will understand. They might be shocked and annoyed at first but I’m sure once the neighbors get to know you guys they’ll be amused with the tantrums more than anything!

  4. I just discovered, “Aha Parenting”. I’m always hesitant to follow what a doctor suggests, because I tend to believe that our kids are the best teachers for how to raise them, love them, and teach them. But Dr. Laura Markham has been pretty sound with her advice, and suggestions. All of it is gentle parenting friendly and positive discipline. I’ve got two little one’s that have meltdowns of epic proportions and after despite how well I’ve been able to figure out my 5 year old’s chill out methods, my two year old is a whole new ball game. I used one of Dr. Laura’s techniques yesterday and was absolutely thrilled to see how quickly we came to a resolution, no tears, stress, or panic attacks. (From me, or my daughter! lol )
    Good luck, lady! ❤

  5. Have you thought of giving her consequeces to her tantrums? Like if she chooses to scream, then she doesn’t get to play with a certain toy or get ice cream (or whatever would work with her) and then the next time she begins to get into a tantrum again, you could gently remind her if how she had to deal with the consequences the last time? Not sure if that would work with her..?

  6. If your going to scream and yell and talk to me like that then you won’t be going to the store at all today! And probably not tomorrow either.
    I have a 5 yr old too. If he needs to let it out then he knows to go to his room and scream or yell into his pillow.

  7. My best advice for preventive tantrums is to always give her only 2 options. Keep them simple. For example, in that situation with my daughter I’d say something like ” Ok sweetie we can go to the market now, BUT then you wont be able to play with your dolls later OR we can go to the market later and you can go play and have fun now.” (probably not the best example, but I’m sure you get what I mean.) Giving her the “power” to make decisions should boost her confidence and help her feel more “grown up.” I do this all the time with my daughter and with other children too and it seems to work out pretty well. Hope this helps.

    One more thing, whispering to a child mid tantrum is like magic!!! Kneeling down to their eye level and whispering causes them to move closer towards you in order to hear, it calms them down, and it gives them the satisfaction that their feelings are being acknowledged.

  8. With my son, I would just cross my arms, stand firm, and say “Yeah? Is all this working for you? You getting your way yet? No? Oh, what a surprise!” and then walk away. He’d calm down once he realized I wasn’t paying him any attention.

    When my sister was little, she would tantrum like crazy about wanting my mom home RIGHT NOW (we were latch key kids) and I would just start talking to her in a whisper. If she wanted to hear me, she’d have to shut up! (And she always wanted to know what I was saying.)

  9. oh my dear. Your neighbors know what is going on. you will more then likely hear the same from other houses 🙂
    Just walk away and laugh, she will probably stop.
    Congrats on the new habitat.

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