When you say you dont drink people assume one of two things. The first, you are an alcoholic. The other? You are xXstr8edgeXx er whatever. haha!! I’m neither. And I’m not even against alcohol. AT ALL. My husband is a fancy bartender who makes his own syrups and uses homemade bitters and egg whites and slaps mint and all that. So I thought I’d list the reasons I don’t drink.
1. I’m nursing. Which means I am limited to 1 beer or 1 glass of wine. And that’s never been my style. I was a giant fruit tropical drink with an umbrella and 5 cherries kind of drinker. And I want like 10 of them. I don’t see the fun in 1 glass of wine.
2. I co-sleep. And I’m terrified if I’m tipsy or extra relaxed I will roll on the baby, or sleep through her rolling off the bed.
3. I hate throwing up. I am very weak stomached and almost everything makes me sick and downing ginger tea. If I drink I wake up at 3am hating life.
4. I am a mouthy mouthy drunk. We’re talking telling my best friend I think her boyfriend is a piece of sh** kinda mouthy.
5. I am a drunk texter. there should be a breathalizer (sp?) to use a cellphone. OOFFt. the texts I have sent…embarrassing.
6. So many calories. I much prefer getting my calories in the form of ice cream.
7. It will kill you. Ok not right away but I watch Dr. G medical examiner and she said the insides of people who smoke and drink look vastly different then sober non smokers.
which leads to 8 perfectly…
8. I’m afraid I’ll smoke. Any time I’ve quit smoking, I’ve fallen back into smoking after just sneaking a few drags when drinking.
9. I’d have to get a babysitter. And I’ve never left Mila for more than an hour.
10. ALL THESE NIGHTS I PUBLICLY ACTED A FOOL AND EMBARRASSED MYSELF. My favorites being the time I drunkenly cried at the Anchor and the time I threw up all over Tacoma.