first fevers

I remember Lucy’s first fever. Justin and I had just started dating. I’m not sure if we were even “facebook official” yet. But he texted me through the night and stayed up as late as he could knowing I’d be up late panicking about her. Then first thing in the morning I took her to the ER, and I got mocked by a doctor for texting while he was talking to me (mind you I was texting her biological Dad, Joe, updates.) . They gave her some tylenol and she was fine.
Still when I look back on that day I just don’t remember being all that scared for her. She was this tough little cookie in a polka dot american apparel hoodie with wacky bangs I cut crooked and a bottle hanging outta the side of her mouth she was biting, and she’d just look at me like “WHAT? So I’m running a fever? Can we still go to the zoo?” Lucy is such a solid healthy girl like that.
I doubt I’ll ever look at Mila and think the same. She has always had this fragility to her. I described being pregnant with her as being pregnant with a tiny itty bitty kitten. During the ultrasound she was just curled up so tight and seemed so bothered. She is so still so tiny and precious and sensitive. So when she got her first fever I tried hard to be the experienced calm mother who just let it run its course, breastfeeding constantly and keeping a close eye on her but its impossible not to overly stress everything with Mila. Her super pale skin, and slender limbs and quietness just makes you feel sorry for her. When I was carrying her through the doctors office people didn’t look at her and say “Uh oh! looks like someone has a cold!”. Instead they just looked at her sadly. Like they knew this was really hard on her.
Its like our trip to Kingston on Sunday. I knew it was exhausting for her. And she just wanted to be home. Where as Lucy was loving it. Running around, bonking her head on things, being wild. When Lucy was a toddler I started doing summer bucket lists. I’ve never actually finished a list but got close. Lots of fun activities to get her out and about.
I may have to rethink my list for summer 2013, half with things I know Lucy will love. And somehow find some quiet, safe, indoor fun for Mila. Cause you know, nothing says summer like indoor activities….hmmm…..I predict a summer spent in the shade, watching Lucy run around, and reading Mila the entire Babysitters Club series.

2 thoughts on “first fevers

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