That time I failed the paleo diet…

 I’m so disappointed in myself I debated just saying I was continuing this paleo diet but secretly eating jumbo jacks curled in a corner of my bedroom. But that just makes me a jerk. I had these dreams of writing out this blog entry that was day by day tracking of our first week. I thought maybe the first day would be brutal but the next morning I’d wake up so alert and energized, that I’d be like “bread? bread shmead! WHO NEEDS IT!?” Then by Sunday (which is supposed to be 80 in Seattle. Which mean there will probably be impromptu parades and hundreds flocking to greenlake) I would do a picnic with the family. And I’d have these adorable lil bowls of berries and nuts. And I’d wear my new coral maxi skirt…sigh… Sadly, it’s Wednesday and we have spent almost $300 in groceries, which is twice our normal budget, and have nothing to show for it but 3 long miserable days and a defeated mom.

Since we threw out everything sunday morning, then just had baked chicken and salad in the evening, we woke up pretty starving. And grumpy. But I manically made a giant 8 egg scramble with kale, onion and green peppers. And served it up with mango and turkey bacon. We all cleaned our plates and I was still pretty starving. So I decided to roast a turkey, a fresh local free range turkey that I insisted on getting that is the reason we went s0 over our grocery budget despite trying hard not to make this venture cost us anything. Anyways it took FOREVER to cook. Ina Garten lies!!! So I quickly whipped up some cod and a big salad with walnuts and avocado and apple. I was a few bites in when I found a COD WORM! (I am never eating seafood again btw!)Which is like a dark, dead maggot in the middle of the filet. We all shrieked and debated forcing ourselves to vomit. But one facebook thread, and one phone call to poison control later, we felt a little better. At least enough to stop freaking out and shaking and panicking. I have a very serious phobia of getting food poisoning. So basically I’ll be even more edgy the next few days. I feel like garbage. I have a constant mild headache. And I feel very weak. Yet cant sleep. Also Lucy threw a big fit about needing candy and I understand that she must be feeling many of the same side effects we are, and so we gave her a little dark chocolate. don’t judge. We did snack on almonds and kale chips (which were way tastier then I thought they’d be).
paleo monday

I’ve heard of the low-carb flu. I suspected I might feel a little weak or something. NO. NO NO NO NO NO. I feel like I have the worst hangover. Seriously. The last time I felt like this I think it was the night I went to the cha cha with Jenny, Abomb and Justin and I went back and fourth between PBR and vodka-crans. I talked to my mom who has gone paleo, and she said she didn’t experience this at all. Lucy is acting exactly the same. And Justin just seems like any normal person who just started a new diet. Like sure he wouldn’t mind a giant sub from Jimmy Johns but he’s alright. I think I really just must have been the worst eater in the family. Justin and Lucy both always ate way more veggis and fruit than me. I hate meat. I always love going vegan. Mmmm I would kill for a black bean burrito right now. Seeing how simple this transition is for everyone else, and how hard it is for me just keeps me motivated. I clearly must have been eating nothing but junk. I am also more anxious and irritable then when I quit smoking. I am honestly shocked that coming off of sugar is comparable to quitting smoking. But I really am having that hard of a time. I’m sweating and emotional and overheating. For dinner I made a curry with califlower “rice”. The best way to describe eating it was “I cant eat another bite but Im so hungry still”.

PicMonkey Collage

So I woke up feeling a little better but STARVING. Which is typical for me because Mila just latches off and on all night so my usual routine is to stand in front of the coffee maker eating luna bar then drinking coffee then eating “second breakfast”. Instead I stood there, fearing I may faint and drop the baby, and tried whipping up eggs and kale and ham. Though I was literally gagging just thinking about it. I ate it anyways and felt a little better. The house is the messiest its been. I haven’t changed my clothes in 48 hours. There are water bottles everywhere because no matter how much I drink I feel dehydrated. By lunch I had more ham (which yes it isn’t truly paleo but we were nearly out of proteins) wrapped in some lettuce and I felt great and thought maybe the worst was over. Then one hour later I hit the lowest low yet. Shaking, emotional, and DONE. DONE DONE DONE!

PicMonkey Collage (1)

I dont know that right now is a good time to write a conclusion to this because I’m still hungry and miserable and feeling so defeated. And I dont wanna have this turn into a giant “This is where you went wrong Jill” invite. Look, I know if I had more salt it’d help my body to retain the water loss. And I could have more sweet potatoes or it’s cheaper if I’d done it this way or that way. I know all this because I actually have had a great support system in the few mommy (and one dude) friends that are paleo helping me along the way learning what its about and encouraging me. I am so so grateful for their advice and listening to me whine non stop for the past few days. But this just isn’t the right fix for me. Justin feels great. My sister is paleo. My mom LOVES it so much she suspects she has a gluten intolerance. Lucy is totally fine snacking on some berries as I write this. But here I am, horribly ill, near in tears and wanting to die with artichokes over cooking on the stove and already dry turkey in the oven warming up.
I give up.


On the bright side. I am glad I did this. Justin has lost 5+ pounds already has decided to continue to avoid grains. I now know we don’t need to buy lucy granola bars and other sugary snacks. If they aren’t here, its like out of site out of mind. Our kitchen was cluttered with junk and garbage food that was making us fat and unhealthy and shortening our lives. And now we have this fresh start. And a new outlook. And even though paleo isn’t a good fit for me, it’s not like I’m saying “ef it, just go get us a pizza!”. I am motivated now to read the ingredients more. Seek out healthy options for my family. Avoiding a lot of processed foods. And just throwing out our microwave feels like a great step in the right direction. Yes. I feel like a failure. But I’m making a strong effort to keep on the sunny side and see the benefits in this (expensive) experiment that didn’t end as I had hoped. My opinions of the lifestyle haven’t changed either. I had tons of people share their success stories with going paleo when I said I’d be trying it. And my own family members have benefited greatly. I hope this isn’t discouraging to others. Its just actually what happened.  I just want a bean burrito…..judge away!!


15 thoughts on “That time I failed the paleo diet…

  1. I love this! Not that you didn’t succeed in your original plan, but the way you shared the experience with all of us. You were destined to be a blogger!

  2. Thank you for sharing this! It reinforces how we aren’t failures because a certain diet, lifestyle, job, or whatever isn’t a good fit for us. Cheers to you for giving 100% to something new and for listening to your body. You always made counting calories or eating vegan look so easy, while I could barely make it through day 2 of either one! It’s hard to not beat ourselves up when we know we put everything we have in us into doing the “right” thing, yet don’t experience the rewards that everyone else seems to get with half the effort. We can all relate. Thank you again for sharing this.

  3. Find your happy medium! The worlds not gonna end if you scarf down a Jumbo Jack once in a while. I feel like as long as most of my choices are smart, healthy ones, I can forgive myself for my weak days. 🙂

    • Totally right? My problem is I struggle with moderation, I get on “kicks”. Sometimes healthy ones , other times it’s like a Starbucks hazelnut macchiato kick! Haha!

  4. This is exactly how i felt when I started ideal protein…I felt like I was going to DIE/pass out/couldnt even like, walk my dog for the first few weeks..I just had to kinda adjust it to fit me. I did eat some things that werent recommended on the diet (like more carby veggies or 4 or 5 protein shakes or bars instead of the 3) but i still lost a LOT and my body got used to it. I wish i could get myself back to that point of determination…! good luck…it’ll pass I promise!

  5. Pfft. Not a fail, just still looking for the right fit for you. Different strokes for different folks. I actually thinks it a better long term plan not to be too rigid.

    • Thank you!! I could see myself eating well for the rest of our lives if, like people on Instagram suggested, I just got used to eating clean and making my own breads and limited things not eliminating them. My mom used to make bread and I loved the way it made our house smell. I think that will be our next step 🙂

  6. This doesn’t sound like failure to me! The fact that you are having such strong withdrawal symptoms is a testament to the fact that you are doing great! The detox stage won’t last much longer. You’ll start to feel great, energized, healthier, and not-hungry soon as your body adjusts. There’s also nothing wrong with taking a more moderate approach. But I love that you were so bold, and I think you’ll be glad soon too. Don’t be so hard on yourself!

    • Thank you so much! I had no idea I would feel this crummy. It was so disappointing. But I’m glad we’re moving in the right direction! Thanks again 🙂

  7. Don’t look at it as a failure. You ventured out and tried something new and found that it wasn’t for you. It also sounds like you are happy about the fact that this process helped you to get not-so-fantastic-for-you foods (that my cabinets are probably chock full of) out of the house.

    • Oh, and eww on the cod worm. I’ve never even heard of one before but I don’t know that I will ever want to eat cod again. Lol

  8. Pingback: Paleo Fail-Revisited | Goodnight Mush

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