Sometimes the line between where I end and Mila begins is blurry. She eats and sleeps nestled on my chest day and night. Her legs kick and splash me as I try and wash my hair in the tub. I bite grapes in half and give her the other part as she sits in my lap during lunch time. I have spent the majority of this never ending Seattle winter indoors with her. Not even sure what day of the week it was, just another grey day spent huddled in our safe apartment, soaking in every second with my sweet baby. And while I wouldn’t change a single one of these days, I also realize that since Mila is so closely attached to me, the only world she knows is the world I’ve shown her (so lots of Iphone, grocery shopping and 30 rock ). With reports that the day was going to be highs of 57 and only a 30% chance of rain, I seize the moment to venture out of our nest and reemerge into society with Mila along, sitting safely in her sling.
I’ve been dying to check out the Chihuly Garden and Glass Museum for months, though I hadn’t heard much about it. Sadly this is a city built on black coffee and snark, and too often these sorts of places aren’t utilized by the locals who chalk them up to ‘tourist attractions’. I went in with an open mind hoping to see something bright and fun to shake off the 8 months straight of grey skies. It isn’t long before I realize what I’ve just signed up for is so much more spectacular then I could have even imagined.
When Mila is hesitant, she hides her face in my arm pit. Then she’ll look up again in awe. Then hide her face again. She isn’t the most outgoing baby on the block but she is observant. And pushes through her fears and continues to look and take it all in. As she gets more comfortable I can feel her little legs flutter in excitement. She starts making those early coo sounds that I haven’t heard in months since she’s moved on to babbling.The return of sweet little “lllaaas” and “gaahhhs” makes my heart burst.
It’s so hard not to just gaze in amazement at these massive, lit up, blown glass sculptures right in front of us. Transparent and glowing from within. But I’m lured away by the constant smiles from Mila, who has become surprisingly blissful. Not offended or scared in the slightest. Instead, just looks from a tiny being who has a new idea of the world’s possibilities. I can’t yet explain to her that this is someone’s way of communicating and expressing themselves. Just like she has so many times told me so much without words. For now I am just satisfied to have exposed her to something unlike anything she’s ever seen before.
An afternoon like this has inspired me to continue to push out of my comfort zone and adventure through our city knowing,”Yes! Mila may cry in the car seat and someone may sneeze on her”. It’s so easy to stay in our sweats, and laze around the house letting the week just melt into the next week. But I’m glad we got out and showed Mila something truly breathtaking.
This post is a part of the Sakura Bloom Sling Diaries.
so what you cant see is the meats in the produce drawers. tons of seafood and poultry.
But seriously wish us luck that we dont call dominoes by tuesday evening. And expect tons of food posts. the fruit on the counter is where our old microwave was. and yeah I should probably just throw away that old knife block and get better knives. but one step at a time!!!!
*also I have no clue if that coconut milk is paleo. we are coming down off of years of coffee mates coconut every morning. baby steps!
So, I think that people just assume with all the breastfeeding posts and babywearing photos I must be some crunchy Seattlite who eats quinoa and kale. And that I must have a compost pile or something. But really we have frozen pizza once a week and still (YES, Melissa and Des!) we still use coconut flavored coffee creamer every morning.
But we’ve heard so much awesome stuff about the paleo diet from friends and my sister has replace the medications she was on to treat her aspergers and ADHD with a paleo diet and she is now doing better than ever. Lucy has some signs of NDD and I have constant nausea so we are really hoping eating better will help our family. So we threw out basically everything and even tossed out our microwave. “after” photos to come later, once we go grocery shopping.
we filled up this garbage can 4 times!!
NOTHING TO SEE FOLKS! just a few grown adults….walking to 7-11….to get slurpees….crazy sh*t happens when it hits 70 in Seattle.
I remember taking this photo. I remember the fuzz on her temples and shoulders. I remember huffing her head constantly, waiting for that baby smell to show up. Not once did she smell like “new baby” to me. Maybe because I smelled her constantly and it was like how you can’t smell your own perfume or something. I remember thinking she really looked like a newborn. I remember her eyes crossing and the kissy faces she’d make. And her getting the hiccups. I can still remember how I could sense a sleep-smile coming. I remember it all because I have hung on to every second of mila’s existence. Not to say I don’t put the same value on Lucy! It’s different. With Lucy it’s all new and exciting and the first time I’m experiencing it. With mila it’s the last time. I knew this was it for us. I’ve always joked that I was 5 or 8 or 10 children. But it’s unrealistic for us. We’ll barely be able to put one through college. And I know I’m done ever being pregnant. It took 12 months to get Lucy and 16 really hard, depressing months to get Mila. The struggle of negative pregnancy test one after another,while it seemed everyone around me was getting pregnant on accident, was completely crushing. And something I’ll probably write about later but it’s still hard to think about. But all these reasons we’ve agreed early on to stop at 2. But time is just flying by! She doesn’t feel itty bitty anymore! Mila climbs and crawls and grabs food off my plate. And coming to terms with the fact I’ll never have another newborn is so hard. I just lay in bed, like I am right now, and look at mila and her tiny hands and tiny ears, and realize how big my hand looks holding her cheek and I just want time to stop. I’m gonna probably spent the next two er three hours just watching my baby sleep. And take mental notes on everything. What her soft baby hair feels like. How she sleeps holding onto my shirt. The whistle her nose makes when she exhales. All of it.
So I feel like a total goober making any kinda tutorial since I’ve really only been babywearing for a year (i started with the boy I was a nanny for, his mama got me hooked). And I only got my first ring sling last winter. BUT we are mega addicted and use ours constantly. And I’ve encouraged a few other mamas to try one. And it breaks my heart when I ask how they like it and I hear “I like my RS but……..” and I wish we all lived in the same town so I can run over and help. Cause I know that carriers are surprisingly pricey. So if someone has made that investment because I recommended it to them, then I feel responsible or guilty if they don’t like it. So anywho I made a quick lil video with a couple tips. But I got cut short cause Mila was a lil fussy. If anyone else has any other questions or concerns please just ask. If I cant answer it I can at least point you in the direction of far more experienced babywearers who know way more than me. 🙂
the single most surprising thing that happened the moment I became a mother was an overwhelming wave of fear. Not the “am I good enough” fear. But you get hit with this debilitating amount of love for your child and the idea that they will ever get hurt is crippling.
I used to think that a car accident would ‘suck’. Or I’d watch some major random act of violence and be like ‘wow. that’d suck’. THEN you have a child and you feel like someone is punched you in the gut, stabbed you in the chest and is crushing your head. Because no matter how hard you try, you immediately picture what it would be like if your sweet baby was there. Then the tears flow and all you want to do is grab your baby and hide under the covers.
How did no one warn me this? My children are the greatest thing to ever happen to me and since then every emotion has been amplified ten fold. I am 10 times happier. I laugh 10 times as often. I smile 10 times as often. I cry 10 times more (mainly at movies, weddings, birth photos…) But I am also 10 times as scared of everything!!! EVERYTHING. Planes, spiders, house fire, random dog attacking, maybe this bridge is going to collapse, what if that man who just came into this store has a gun, did they wash this fruit? it could have listeria, I bet Seattle is North Korea’s target, omg the piers! the ports! what kind of security do they have, I should get pepper spray for my purse, what was that noise? is someone breaking in?…..
^ seriously. that’s what the inside of my brain looks like ever since I fell in love with my daughters.