Sister. Sister.

I have an older sister, Lisa, who is 3 years older than me. I see a lot of Lisa in my older daughter Lucy. Though I feel like Lucy was dealt an easier set of cards when she was born. Lisa got a cocktail of ADHD and Aspergers and a few others to just keep things interesting.
We worry about Lucy sometimes but she really is just spirited. And hardest on the ones she loves the most. But she is also blessed with being one of those people who everything comes easy to. And she is tenacious. And very good at convincing people to listen to her.
Still I see so much of my sister and I in Lucy and Mila. Lucy is so extroverted. And loves to share everything she is thinking. Mila is so introverted and is happiest when she is at home with her immediate family. Where as Lucy hated/hates being stuck inside. Even as a baby I had to just walk her around our block to calm her sometimes. And still to this day, when Lucy is extra “spirited” I find a way to get her out of here. Even at the expense of Mila who really shuts down in public and hates strangers.
I feel like some things were at the expense of me because I was so flexible and easy going like Mila. Nothing major. I mean we both had one of those ideal suburbia childhoods. Just little day to day things like if Lisa wanted the tv and the phone it was easier to just let her cause it wasn’t worth the fight. Or if Lisa wanted the front seat I just let her cause I didn’t want my mom to deal with it.
And I don’t mean to put her on “blast”. There are people who are determined. And aren’t willing to settle. And won’t take no for an answer. In most settings these are wonderful qualities.
Lucy has that in her. And I can already tell that Mila is just more agreeable. It’s just funny to me how much I understand my mom now. I’m sure everyone has that “I’m turning into my mother” moment. But I have them all the time now. Constantly worrying about Lucy’s feelings. Instead of just letting someone compliment Mila and tell me what a pretty baby she is, I then I have to balance it out and be like “wasn’t Lucy’s dancing so awesome! Lucy is such a great dancer huh?!”. My mom did that all the time. My mom was overly nice to both of us though.
Still I see the dynamic there. I see that Lucy is strong and won’t back down and Mila’s like me “Hmm that toy’s kinda far away, it’s cool mom I’ll just play with my sock. Cause that’s right here.”
I’m curious to see how Lucy and Mila will be when they are older. Like when Lucy is 17, will she drive her 13 year old sister to school? Will they share clothes? Will they scream at me all the time that I am only nice to the other sister like Lisa and I did to my poor mother. I hope they are friends. I hope Lucy brings Mila a plant when she gets her first apartment and that they throw each others bachelorette parties. And call each other when they have exciting news. It’s going to be fun to see this all play out.

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9 thoughts on “Sister. Sister.

  1. I think Lucy and Mila will compliment each other very well throughout their lives. I was definitely the easygoing one out of the 4 girls in our family and while I held some resentment about some of it for far too long (mostly attention given by my parents, feeling lost in the shuffle of 3 needy sisters) when I realized I could just let it go I FINALLY appreciated who I was and how easy happiness comes for me. So, there are trials to be had for both but I think they’ll come out on top! I had no brothers so Maddie and Jaime will have something that is totally new to me.

  2. This one is great too! I’m an only child and often wished for a sibling, though you never know what you’re going to get! I think I was a bit of both for my mom (spirited and a homebody), though I wasn’t very outgoing until I was older. It’s interesting how your behaviors and attitudes as a child play out over the long term because I’m still fairly reserved when I encounter new situations. I’m not making sense, but I still love the post and think it will be fun to see how Lucy and Mila grow up together 🙂

  3. My oldest son has Aspbergers & severe ADHD…his dad was never around as he was a baby, & I was only 19 when I had him so I truly didnt know anything was “different” about him…until I had a baby with my now husband. My middle son is sooo easy going, so content to cuddle & be a helper. Never really gives me grief, & is a total people pleaser. Sometimes I wonder if he’s so easy because hes had no other choice. His older brother has always taken more of my time/energy etc. Not only bc he was basically abandoned by his biological father, but because hes struggled with behavior & making friends & being accepted for as long as I can remember. I too find myself trying to balance the “nice talk” with my 2 oldest sons. I dont really know where im going with all this, but I am so glad you posted about it. Sometimes we can feel so alone in our parenting endeavors. Having “spirited” children, or children from absent parents, having perfect babies that get almost too much attention. Its hard to balance it all, but I do think youre doing it right. Maybe not all the time bc I know I screw up a lot, but I see the devotion, the appreciation & the happiness…and I only see pictures. You are a a great mom, just know that.

    • Thank you so much Kassidy! And I had a similar experience when Mila was born. She was so calm and easy going it really put in perspective how unique Lucy is. It goes without saying obviously we love our babies equally though! Still it’s nice to know other moms can relate to raising to very different children.

      • You are definitely not alone. Ive read every post & I see so much of myself in you…but I bet most moms would, especially young mom’s with children from previous relationships. I distinctly remember being 19 with this baby that I loved but was also overwhelmed with. I worked my ass off, he went to daycare & I literally missed infancy to 2+ yrs with him. I have major guilt for not remembering the 1st time he met most of his milestones. Now I have 3 boys & I’m JUST now really educating myself on co-sleeping, homemade babyfood, organic toys etc. I feel like I shafted my other 2 boys bc I just didnt know…and now here I am playing super mom. BUT to know better is to do better & thats really all we can do.

      • That guilt is so hard but at the same time, should we keep making the same mistakes just so that we give our little ones identical upbringings? It’s like you said “to know better is to do better”. That being said though, if Lucy ever calls me out I’ll be ready to say “yes! I was 21. Clueless. I thought I knew everything and I didn’t. I’m sorry.” Haha! ❤

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